We are Tony and Kayla Meyer. We have been married for eight years, and this is our story. Tony and I met and began dating and got engaged and were married within one year. So we went from this emotional high of dating to the realities of marriage and realizing just how different we were in almost every area of our life.
We just really struggled with how to deal with conflict. A lot of things, we just felt like we had to keep in a closet—our struggles and the difficulties that we had. And after years and years and years of this, and hurt building upon hurt and compounding and compounding, we got to a place where we were ready to throw in the towel.
Someone had told us about Karl Elkins, down in Texas. We looked into one of his three-day intensive marriage retreats. With skepticism in our hearts, and not sure of what would happen, we decided to go.
I was really leery in going down to Texas, but what we learned, and what we experienced with Karl was like nothing that we ever experienced before. One of the first things that Karl asked us was, “Do you want to be more like Christ?” He walked us through teaching after teaching of what that really looks like, and how to really do that within our marriage. And that readied our hearts to get to a place where we could even breach the topic of our hurts and our pains.
I would say that for the first time in our marriage, I left that weekend feeling like the guilt and condemnation had been lifted off my shoulders. I always felt like I wasn’t enough. I always felt like I was letting her down—that I was a disappointment to her. And I just felt so empowered to be the man that God had called me to be, and I felt that she was on my side one hundred percent.
Prior to going to Texas, Tony would always say, “We’re on the same team.” And I just really struggled to feel like we were. And now I feel like we are on the same team—now we have a space where we can feel free and where we can feel safe to just share our hearts and that each other will hear it and will respond lovingly and tenderly.
So you might be sitting and thinking to yourself—having the same thoughts that I had—our marriage is going to always be like this, I»m kind of content in it, there are so many hurts, it’s going to be impossible to get through this. I’m telling you that this is the conference you that need to go to. This is the time—this is your time—and this is the time where God wants to bring restoration to your marriage and set you on a path forward to a healthy, healthy marriage.