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| In This Issue • Marriage Tip 5: Receive and Give Affection • Monthly Marriage Enrichment Group • Other Upcoming Opportunities |
| Marriage Tip 5:
Receive and Give Affection The need for affection is met by expressing care and closeness through physical touch. It can also include endearing words like “I love you.” Rom. 16:16 “Greet one another with a holy kiss.” Mk. 10:16 “And they were bringing children to him so that He might touch them . . . And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them.” Realize God gives affection indirectly vs. directly. Though God may choose to meet many of our needs like comfort, encouragement, and acceptance directly, He chooses to meet physical affection (hugs, sexual affection) indirectly through others. Though others can legitimately meet most needs like attention, encouragement, and comfort, some aspects of affection (sex) should only be met in the context of marriage. This partially explains why sex can be so problematic for couples. If you are not meeting your partner’s need for sexual intimacy it’s a big problem because God won’t do it and no one else should either. Affection communicates worth and value. Jesus could have just used words to heal others but He showed care and concern by touching a blind man’s eyes (Mk. 8:23), a leper’s skin (Matt. 8:2) and a woman’s hand (Matt. 8:14). Affection can communicate comfort. When Jesus announced that “one of you will betray me” (Jn. 13:21), John did not try to fix the problem, give advice or pep talks. Gifted in mercy, he simply “reclined on Jesus bosom” (Jn. 13:23) communicating “I care and am here for you.” Realize your partner may have differing desires for affection. It is often said that women have sex to have love and men just love to have sex. Some women complain that the only time their husband touches them is when they want sex. When men complain their wife is too frigid, she may respond that her husband is just a sex maniac. Realize these differences can increase when one person’s primary love language is affection. Realize your partner may find it especially hard to give affection. There are many reasons some find it hard to give affection: past sexual abuse, an emotional wall of hurt between couples, not having received much affection growing up, unresolved guilt from past sexual sins that make sex seem dirty or wrong. Tear down the emotional wall before initiating affection. Like it or not, it is hard to be affectionate (especially for women) when there are unresolved hurts between couples. Women say they feel dirty when offering sexual affection when there is unresolved hurt. Use cards, notes, letters. If you have a hard time speaking affectionate, endearing words then buy and give cards that express what you feel. How have you given and received non-sexual affection? |
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| About Karl Elkins Karl Elkins, LPC, ThM, MA, CSC, BCPCC, DAPA has 25 years of counseling experience and is an Adjunct Instructor at College of Biblical Studies teaching Marriage and Family courses. He is Founder and President of Christway Counseling Center P.C. specializing in marriage and family counseling. He earned a Master’s degree in Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and a Master’s degree in Counseling from Colorado Christian University. He was formerly on staff with Intimate Life Ministries and director of a Houston Minirth-Meier New Life Clinic. He is married to Terry Elkins and has two grown children. |
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| Other Upcoming Opportunities Two-Day Marriage Clinic™ The fastest way to marriage harmony! A two-day clinic to learn and experience the 25 Core Relational Life Skills. More Info » Three-Day Accelerated Marriage Counseling (AMC)™ Includes all of the topics, instruction, and counseling projects in the Two-Day Marriage Clinic™, but is completely private—you, your partner and the counselor only. More Info » Individual Counseling We offer individual counseling to couples desiring an introductory session or two, follow-up sessions, or focused counseling. More Info » FREE Marriage Builder Series Don’t just tie the knot, but tighten the knot as you strengthen abilities to incorporate relevant and practical biblical principles in these couples’ group classes. Child care included. First Tuesday of every month (6:30-8:30pm). More Info » Contact Information Phone: (832) 358-0900 E-Mail: terry@christwaycounseling.com Web: www.christwaycounseling.com  |
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