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| In This Issue • Marriage Tip 9: Receive and Give Comfort • Individual Counseling • Other Upcoming Opportunities |
| Marriage Tip 9:
Receive and Give Comfort The need for comfort is met by responding to a hurting person with words, feelings, and touch. Hurt with them, empathize with their grief and pain, and give consolation with tenderness. Rom. 12:15 “mourn with those who mourn.” 2 Cor. 1:3,4 “the God of all comfort, who comforts us . . . so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction . . .” Jesus was often “moved with compassion” to heal the blind and lepers. He identified with others’ pain so much He wept with them (Jn. 11:35). On the eve of His own death, He comforted His disciples as He sensed their sorrow and anxiety (Jn. 14:1, 18; 16:33). This is perhaps the biggest way most men fail to connect with or relate to their wives (but women can make the same mistake too). When their partner is hurt, they fail to emotionally respond and give comfort. Instead they give several unproductive responses. Avoid six unproductive responses: 1. Avoid giving facts, logic, and reason. You cannot hit an emotional target with a cognitive arrow. Avoid comments like “the reason you are hurting is . . . that’s just the way life is . . . next time you ought to . . .” 2. Avoid giving encouragement or pep talks. “Cheer up things could be worse . . . look on the bright side . . . you are making a mountain out of a mole hill . . . this is no big deal . . . that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger . . . don’t let it get to you, I’m sure it will get better” 3. Avoid criticism. “What’s wrong with you now . . . you’re too sensitive . . . don’t be a baby.” 4. Avoid discussing your own hurts. “Yeah, I know what you mean let me tell you about what happened to me . . . I’m hurt too you know . . .” 5. Avoid spiritualizing. “Well you know Rom. 8:28 says that God causes all things to work together for good . . . what character qualities is God shaping in you through this?” 6. Avoid neglecting your partner’s pain by changing subjects or walking away. Give comfort and empathize. When someone is hurting emotionally, give them an emotional response: “I’m so sorry to hear that, tell me about it . . . it hurts me to see you hurting . . . wow that is terrible, I am so sorry to hear that . . . how are you handling it . . . I hate to see you go through this.” You can even give comfort without words with hugs and heartfelt grunts and groans: “awwwwwww . . . nooooooooo . . . umph, umph, umph.” Ask yourself what God might be feeling for your partner’s pain. God is not a distant God unconcerned about pain, or an inspecting God only evaluating our behaviors. He is a compassionate God who is sad and grieved when we are (Jn. 11:35). If God feels sadness for our partner, and they feel sad, wouldn’t be OK if we felt some sadness for them also? Your partner may be hurting, do you care? How have you given and received comfort? |
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| About Karl Elkins Karl Elkins, LPC, ThM, MA, CSC, BCPCC, DAPA has 25 years of counseling experience and is an Adjunct Instructor at College of Biblical Studies teaching Marriage and Family courses. He is Founder and President of Christway Counseling Center P.C. specializing in marriage and family counseling. He earned a Master’s degree in Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and a Master’s degree in Counseling from Colorado Christian University. He was formerly on staff with Intimate Life Ministries and director of a Houston Minirth-Meier New Life Clinic. He is married to Terry Elkins and has two grown children. |
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| Other Upcoming Opportunities Two-Day Marriage Clinic™ The fastest way to marriage harmony! A two-day clinic to learn and experience the 25 Core Relational Life Skills. More Info » Three-Day Accelerated Marriage Counseling (AMC)™ Includes all of the topics, instruction, and counseling projects in the Two-Day Marriage Clinic™, but is completely private—you, your partner and the counselor only. Monthly Marriage Enrichment Group Ongoing accountability group helps you internalize the good practices you’ve learned, avoid returning to bad habits, and develop new marriage-building skills. Next meeting is on April 1. More Info » FREE Marriage Builder Series Don’t just tie the knot, but tighten the knot as you strengthen abilities to incorporate relevant and practical biblical principles in these couples’ group classes. Child care included. First Tuesday of every month (6:30-8:30pm). More Info » Contact Information Phone: (832) 358-0900 E-Mail: terry@christwaycounseling.com Web: www.christwaycounseling.com  |
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We offer Individual Counseling to couples desiring any of the following: