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| In This Issue • Marriage Skill 19: We Prioritize Our Needs Differently • Three-Day Accelerated Marriage Counseling (AMC)™ • Other Upcoming Opportunities |
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| Marriage Skill 19:
Understand that We May Prioritize Our Top 12 Needs Differently—and Why Though we all have the same Top 12 Needs, we may prioritize them differently for many reasons. If you want to upset your partner, try lovingly meeting the wrong need. Good intentions and sincere motives are not enough, you must meet their need of the moment. Needs must be met according to the need of the moment. All you have to do to upset someone is to lovingly meet the wrong need. Eph. 4:29 says that we must meet “the need of the moment that it may give grace to those who hear.” Try telling a man where to park or how to drive and you will quickly realize giving support to someone needing respect just doesn’t work. Needs may be prioritized differently for each person. A common mistake is to assume your partner has the same top three needs that you do. When you try to lovingly meet them, they may react negatively. You must find out and meet their need of the moment—not just assume it is the same as yours. Needs change. What your partner needs today may change tomorrow. Once you meet a need a new one will often rise to the top of the list. New life circumstances (i.e. new child, job, illness) may reshuffle the top needs. Like shooting at a moving target, you must be able to discern the need of the moment as it changes. Needs can be influenced by what you did not get growing up. Have you ever met a person who is a non-stop talker? Sometimes it is because they did not receive much attention in childhood—and now they are trying to make up for it with you as the audience! Some are on a diligent mission to climb the corporate ladder trying to earn the approval of others—sometimes because approval was missing in childhood. Needs can be met by what you did receive growing up. If your family demonstrated love by having quality time together, then you may go into a marriage expecting quality time from your partner as the primary way to show love. If you marry a person who assumes financial security is the primary way to show love (because of how they were loved in childhood), you may have a problem. You will feel lonely, and your partner will feel unappreciated not realizing that their attempts to love are not meeting your need of the moment. Needs can be shaped by our spiritual gifts. The Bible says we each have one of seven motivational spiritual gifts (Rom. 12:6ff). Each gift greatly influences what we think is important and what we long for—affecting significantly the way we prioritize the needs. A person gifted in service, may prioritize appreciation. A mercy gift may prefer affection and comfort. An organizer my want support. Know your partner’s gift to better know their needs. In what ways are you needs prioritized differently than your partner’s? Why? |
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| About Karl Elkins Karl Elkins, LPC, ThM, MA, CSC, BCPCC, DAPA has 25 years of counseling experience and is an Adjunct Instructor at College of Biblical Studies teaching Marriage and Family courses. He is Founder and President of Christway Counseling Center P.C. specializing in marriage and family counseling. He earned a Master’s degree in Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and a Master’s degree in Counseling from Colorado Christian University. He was formerly on staff with Intimate Life Ministries and director of a Houston Minirth-Meier New Life Clinic. He is married to Terry Elkins and has two grown children. |
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| Other Upcoming Opportunities Two-Day Marriage Clinic™ The fastest way to marriage harmony! A two-day clinic to learn and experience the 25 Core Relational Life Skills. More Info » Individual Counseling We offer individual counseling to couples desiring an introductory session or two, follow-up sessions, or focused counseling. More Info » Monthly Marriage Enrichment Group Ongoing accountability group helps you internalize the good practices you’ve learned, avoid returning to bad habits, and develop new marriage-building skills. Next meeting is on July 1. More Info » Contact Information Phone: (832) 358-0900 E-Mail: terry@christwaycounseling.com Web: www.christwaycounseling.com  |
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