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| In This Issue • Marriage Skill 20: The Need of the Moment • Two-Day Marriage Clinic™ • Other Upcoming Opportunities |
| Marriage Skill 20:
Identify and Meet the Need of the Moment Eph. 4:29 (NASB95) “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” The most important concept for connecting with your partner (or anyone else) is that you must correctly identify and meet the “need of the moment.” You cannot just meet a need, you must meet the need. Master this and your marriage sizzles. Miss this and your marriage fizzles. Almost every conflict between couples is caused by someone not meeting someone’s need of the moment. Sometimes it’s because of selfishness. At other times, because of well intentioned ignorance. If we lovingly and sincerely meet the wrong need—even with the best of intentions—it will not land, and may even cause anger because it does not meet the “need of the moment.” Imagine the pain of my friend whose child drowned in a tragic swimming accident. On the next Sunday a well intentioned church member said “hang in there, you know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, Romans 8:28.” He was hurt, even angry over the comment. Obviously his need of the moment was comfort—empathy for his tragic lost. The well intentioned church member was trying to give encouragement—sincerely. So is it ever wrong to give encouragement? Yes, it can be, if the need of the moment is comfort, because love is not just meeting a need—love is meeting the “need of the moment.” It would also be wrong to give comfort if the need of the moment is support. If I see my wife staggering beneath two heavy bags of groceries and I say “wow, that really looks heavy, I am so sad for you,” I will probably not meet her need of the moment. Her need is for me to help carry the groceries (support), not comfort. Speak no unwholesome word. Eph. 4:29 says to “speak no unwholesome word.” But what exactly is an unwholesome word? The verse defines an unwholesome word in the rest of the verse as any word that does not edify or build up according to the “need of the moment.” If you are not meeting the actual need of the moment, then your words are unwholesome. Speak only words that edify. Eph. 4:29 says to speak “only such a word that is good for edification.” Before speaking you must consciously determine the need of the moment. Don’t just respond; discern the need that must be met then choose your words to meet that need. Do your words elicit a response of “thank you”? Eph. 4:29 says that meeting the need of the moment “will give grace to those who hear.” When you meet someone’s need of the moment, they will many time say “thank you.” Are you hearing “thank you”? If not, why not? In your recent marital conflicts, which need of the moment is not being met? |
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| About Karl Elkins Karl Elkins, LPC, ThM, MA, CSC, BCPCC, DAPA has 25 years of counseling experience and is an Adjunct Instructor at College of Biblical Studies teaching Marriage and Family courses. He is Founder and President of Christway Counseling Center P.C. specializing in marriage and family counseling. He earned a Master’s degree in Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and a Master’s degree in Counseling from Colorado Christian University. He was formerly on staff with Intimate Life Ministries and director of a Houston Minirth-Meier New Life Clinic. He is married to Terry Elkins and has two grown children. |
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| Other Upcoming Opportunities Three-Day Accelerated Marriage Counseling (AMC)™ Includes all of the topics, instruction, and counseling projects in the Two-Day Marriage Clinic™, but is completely private—you, your partner and the counselor only. More Info » Individual Counseling We offer individual counseling to couples desiring an introductory session or two, follow-up sessions, or focused counseling. More Info » Monthly Marriage Enrichment Group Ongoing accountability group helps you internalize the good practices you’ve learned, avoid returning to bad habits, and develop new marriage-building skills. Next meeting is on July 1. More Info » Contact Information Phone: (832) 358-0900 E-Mail: terry@christwaycounseling.com Web: www.christwaycounseling.com  |
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