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| In This Issue • Marriage Skill 27: Know Cause of Closeness, Conflict • Complimentary Two-Day Clinic™ for Pastors & Wives • Other Upcoming Opportunities |
| Marriage Skill 27:
Know the Cause of Relational Closeness and Conflict An intimate and satisfying relationship is quite simple—at least in theory. Isn’t it true that some of the most profound truths in life are quite simple in theory? For example, if you want to save money, don’t spend more than you make. It’s really that simple and it works every time! The theory is simple; it’s the practice that is difficult. Relational satisfaction is that simple: Needs + Met = Closeness Needs - Met = Conflict This formula is certainly true in the physical world. If you need a good meal or a good night of sleep, and you get both, how do you feel? You feel good, right? What if you need a good meal and you go ten hours without even a snack? Your blood sugar drops and you feel cranky and irritable. If you go several nights without adequate sleep then, again, you feel cranky and irritable. If this is true in our physical world, could it also be true of our relational world—the world where emotional and intimacy needs are met? If you need attention but receive neglect, you might feel insignificant, used or devalued. If your need for respect goes unmet, you feel irritated, frustrated, and cranky. If instead of acceptance, you get nagging or criticism you will probably feel frustrated and discouraged. Each of these scenarios creates conflict, not closeness. If you sense conflict, distance or anger from your partner, chances are they have an unmet need (or needs). So from the list of twelve needs (see newsletters issues 3-14), figure out the need of the moment (see newsletter issue 20) and meet it. Ask your partner “which of these 12 needs would you like me to focus on meeting this week?”
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| About Karl Elkins Karl Elkins, LPC, ThM, MA, CSC, BCPCC, DAPA has 26 years of counseling experience and is an Adjunct Instructor at College of Biblical Studies teaching Marriage and Family courses. He is Founder and President of Christway Counseling Center P.C. specializing in marriage and family counseling. He earned a Master’s degree in Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and a Master’s degree in Counseling from Colorado Christian University. He was formerly on staff with Intimate Life Ministries and director of a Houston Minirth-Meier New Life Clinic. He is married to Terry Elkins and has two grown children. |
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| Other Upcoming Opportunities Two-Day Marriage Clinic™ The fastest way to marriage harmony! A two-day clinic to learn and experience the 25 Core Relational Life Skills. Next clinic starts November 3. More Info » Three-Day Accelerated Marriage Counseling (AMC)™ Includes all of the topics, instruction, and counseling projects in the Two-Day Marriage Clinic™, but is completely private—you, your partner and the counselor only. More Info » Individual Counseling We offer individual counseling to couples desiring an introductory session or two, follow-up sessions, or focused counseling. More Info » Monthly Marriage Enrichment Group Ongoing accountability group helps you internalize the good practices you’ve learned, avoid returning to bad habits, and develop new marriage-building skills. Next meeting is on November 3. More Info » Contact Information Phone: (832) 358-0900 E-Mail: terry@christwaycounseling.com Web: www.christwaycounseling.com  |
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